Stat Anything: Oh My God It’s a Goose | New Monster for Fifth Edition

“Listen, and understand. That goose is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.”

Geese are no laughing matter. These horrible beasts stalk ponds, parks, and the sky, looking for unsuspecting prey. Their mouths are nightmare fuel filled with rows of teeth and serrated tongues (wtf?). Even the boldest adventurers–ones who are able to stand up to the might of a nautiloid full of mindflayers, a portal spilling the denizens of the Abyss, or even the dreaded tarrasque–turn and run when face against one of those Gods-forsaken creatures.

Take my advice. You see one of these things? Run.

If you see more than one? Well, you’re already dead, mate.

Oh My God It’s a Goose

Small monstrosity, neutral evil


Armor Class 19 (natural armor)

Hit Points 749 (214d6)

Speed 20 ft., fly 40 ft., swim 20 ft.


Abilities Str 6 (-2), Dex 15 (+2), Con 10 (+0), Int 2 (-4), Wis 14 (+2), Cha 7 (-2)


Saving Throws Str +7, Dex +11, Con +9, Int +5, Wis +11, Cha +7

Skills Perception +11

Damage Immunities fire, poison, necrotic, thunder; bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing from nonmagical weapons

Condition Immunities charmed, frightened, paralyzed, poisoned

Senses blindsight 60 ft., passive Perception 21

Challenge 30 (355,000 XP)


Innate Spellcasting. The goose’s innate spellcasting ability is Wisdom (spell save DC 19). It can cast the following spells, requiring no components.

  • At-will: misty step
  • 3/day: dimension door, plane shift

Legendary Resistance (5/Day). If the goose fails a saving throw, it can choose to succeed instead.

Limited Magic Immunity. The goose can’t be affected or detected by spells of 6th level or lower. It has advantage on saving throws against all other spells and magical effects.

Magic Weapons. The goose’s attacks are magical.

Pursuit Predator. As a bonus action, the goose selects a quarry. The goose knows the direction and distance to its quarry as long as the two of them are on the same plane of existence. While the goose has a quarry, it gains the following benefits:

  • The goose does not require air, food, drink, or sleep, and it is immune to the effects of exhaustion.
  • If damage reduces the goose to 0 hit points, it must make a Constitution saving throw with a DC of 14. On a success, the goose drops to 1 hit point instead.
  • The goose gains a +10 bonus to its attack rolls against its quarry.

Regeneration. The goose regains 50 hit points at the start of its turn if it has at least 1 hit point.


Actions

Bite. Melee Weapon Attack: +7 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 1 piercing damage and the target’s hit point maximum is reduced by an amount equal to the damage taken. This reduction lasts until the target finishes a long rest. The target dies if this effect reduces its hit point maximum to 0.

Honk (Recharge 6). The goose screams a loud “HONK!”. Each creature within 120 feet of the goose that can hear it must make a DC 17 Constitution saving throw. A creature immune or resistant to thunder damage automatically passes its saving throw. On a failed saving throw, a target takes 70 (20d6) thunder damage and is paralyzed for 1 minute. A paralyzed creature can repeat its saving throw at the end of each of its turns, ending the effect on itself with a success. On a successful saving throw, a target takes half as much damage and isn’t paralyzed.

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Photo by the Verge

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